It's Actually A Good Thing

I am sorry it has taken me so long to update my blog.  It is actually a good thing, I have been feeling so good that I haven't taken the time to stop and blog! 

On Wednesday I went to see my favorite doctor (not!)  My labs were great.  The scale was way down. I have done everything he asked me to.  One would think this would provoke positive comments from him.  Oh no.  He proceeded to tell me that he has seen many people start out positive like me, but after a few years fizzle out.  Are you kidding me?  If I was backsliding I could understand this rant, but seriously?  Why would anyone do that?  I have GOT to find a new doctor.  Any suggestions? 

On Thursday I had a bit of a meltdown.  I had my first moment of, "I can't do this.  Why did I have this surgery?"  I had no idea where it came from.  Then I talked to my friend Toni.  She said, "I know why....your doctor put doubt in your head!"  She as exactly right.  What a jerk. 

Friday I was very proud of myself.  I went to an Early Childhood conference.  I dealt with the drinking and eating without any problems at all.  I lasted all day!  I walked around campus all day and didn't wear out.  The only hitch was sitting by strangers while my tummy made all of it's crazy gurgles.  I call it "speaking whale."  LOL!  I felt the need to explain to each person I sat by what was going on!  I hope this doesn't last forever!  I even ended my day by working in my classroom for a few hours!  I felt very accomplished! 

I have been walking more and it feels really good.  I don't know when I have looked forward to going out for a walk.  I am trying to walk a bit more each day.  I look forward to the day when I can start swimming! 

All in all I am very pleased.  It has not been as painful or difficult as I had expected.  There are a few difficult parts.  For instance, I want a salad or fresh fruit SOOOOO badly.  I am not craving junk!  I just want a salad!  I hope that someday that will be possible.  Some people can have them, and some can't.  

Also, the scale has not moved since about  a week out!  I was told this would happen.  For most it happens at week three.  I know I am doing what I am supposed to.  I can feel my clothes getting bigger.  I am only consuming 500-600 calories a day.  I just have to trust what they say and not let it get to me.  They say your body is just freaking out and it will catch up sooner than later.  Sigh.  I hope it is sooner and not later :0)  

It is getting easier every day to get everything in.  Eating has gone well.  I had an omelet on Saturday.  I wasn't sure how my tummy would handle it.  It went so well and tasted great!  I have been pretty agreeable with everything so far.  I just look forward to being past the mushy stage! 

Tomorrow I start back at work.  We go to a conference. Tuesday and Wednesday are staff meetings.  I am getting excited to see all these darling 4-year-olds!  Prayers for an uneventful week would be appreciated!                         

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

Tomorrow marks two weeks since surgery, and inevitably, I have had a not-so-great day.  First of all, I see this as a blessing, because I realize that I'm so lucky not to have had bad days prior to this.  It appears I may have overdone it a bit.  (I know...big surprise.)

My left side has crazy pains when I bend or move in certain ways.  I've attempted to take it easy most of the day.  I write this, not to complain, but if any of you end up having this surgery, you may know what to expect.  I'm sure it will clear up soon.  I just need to be gentle with myself.

The few hours today that I didn't spend reclining, were spent with my mother visiting her doctors.  Unfortunately, it appears that her Multiple Myeloma has returned, and she will resume her chemo regimen soon.

Step One will be on Thursday when she receives two units of blood.  I have been present during every transfusion, but this week I will have to take a pass.  I'm pretty confident that sitting in their chairs for six hours would not be a good move.  It will be quite difficult for me to not be there.  Please keep her in your prayers, as she begins treatment.  Thank you so much; it is greatly appreciated!

I'll end with a quick positive.  My goal for protein intake in the first month is 60 grams a day.  In the months to follow, the goal is 80-120 grams.  Today, I consumed 92 grams!  Woo hoo!  A week ago, I would have told you that would never be possible.  What a difference a week makes!

Oh My Goodness, I Found My Ankles!

If you don't see me often, you may not know about my ankles.  They are often quite swollen.  It is hereditary, or that is what I always tell myself.  No, my mom's ankles swell terribly as did my grandmother's.  However, I know my weight did not help the situation.  I tell Rich all the time that I would like to have a foot transplant!  In my opinion, my feet look like hippo feet!  

This morning when I woke up, they looked so small!  So much better!  So less hippoish!  If this makes me have feet that look halfway normal, then that makes everything worth it in itself.  Please though, when you see me next, don't look right at my feet, just sneak a glance.  It will be an issue for me for quite some time :0) 

Another victory is that I talked to my ever so pleasant doctor.  You know the one.  Anyway, prior to surgery I was on 5 pills a day and 36 units of insulin to combat my diabetes.  As of yesterday, the only thing I am taking is 8 units of insulin!  That won't last forever!  This was my major reason for the surgery, and it is already happening!  Praise God! 

Finally, the joys of the last two days include eating mushy food.  I had cheddar cheese and green beans for supper last night, and I am having refried black beans with cheese and also green beans for dinner tonight!  It has all gone down quite well.  I am also getting MORE than the 64 oz. of liquid in, and almost all of my protein.  By next week I think I will have that kicked too. 

My only whine is that I am BORED!  I am just not good at sitting at home.  I know....craft, draw, plan for school, read a book, watch a movie..... that is all fine.  I have plenty to do, I just want to be out and about!  I did do my walk in Target today and it felt great!  So far I am not exhausted.  We will see how late I am up tonight!  

Thank you for all of your kind words and comments.  You will never know how encouraging it is!  I am blessed beyond belief!  I feel like the blind man when Jesus gave him back his sight!  I feel unstoppable!  

Who Would Have Thought?

I will begin by admitting that I am a little tired today. It is all catching up a little!  However, it was a big day! Showered, ATE breakfast, and went to see the nutritionist and the doctor!

Breakfast was exciting!  I had an ounce of cottage cheese and an ounce of homemade applesauce with no sugar.  It went down beautifully.  I was able to eat it all and in the 1/2 hour time period!  This was the feeling of major success!  I enjoyed it too! 

The doctor's office was all around amazing!  First thing was to step on the scale.  I have decided that I am going to try very hard to not weigh at home.  I want to only weight at my appointments, however my next one is in September.  I don't think I will be able to wait that long.  I would like to just judge things by how my clothes are fitting and taking measurements, but that is a LONG time to stay of the scale!  I don't want to get hung up on numbers though.  It isn't about that nearly as much as it is about being healthier.  

So.......the number on the scale.......I lost 14 pounds this last week!!!!!  I just cannot even believe it!  I was super excited.  What a boost!

Then I got to see Dr. Dreamy, I mean Dr. Benjamin Deschner .  Not only is he easy on the eyes, he is really funny.  He is my new best friend though, because he took the drainage tube out!  WHOOP! It didn't hurt it was just the weirdest feeling ever! Having a tube pulled across the entire cavity of your body and out of a hole is just plain bizarre!!!

Today I wore real clothes, jewelry, and did my hair.  I had a wonderful doctor's visit, and my liquids are going down nicely.  

I am continually amazed out how easily this has all been to adjust to.  Don't get me wrong, I have moments where I stress a little, but it is all working out, and this new tummy and I are getting to know each other better! 

Tonight, I can lay on my side!  Oh the glory! 

The Truth Finally Comes Out

So I was out of medication and my "favorite" doctor said he was no longer giving me refills if I didn't have blood work drawn and come in to see him.  Jerk! I was not a fan of this doctor.  He was practicing "tough love" with me.  He was far from the beloved Dr. Mike that we left behind in Indiana!  Dr. Mike was so kind and supportive, but was he too nice?  I was wishing there was a happy medium between him and my new, rather blunt physician.  Suppose blunt is what I really needed?  It would not be a lie if I told you I hated this new doctor.  I really did!  I am ashamed to say it.  However, he saw right through my affair and called me out on it!  How dare he!  He was not interested in being my friend and assisting me in continuing the elusive affair.  

In his defense, which I can only say now after the fact, I had not been to the doctor in over a year.  My clothes were tight, my sugars were high, and I was avoiding him.  I felt terrible and I did not want to face the truth and end my love affair with food. 

I was about to be delivered the truth, which slapped me in the face.  The doctor delivered it just like that also, as if her were slapping me.  My weight was at an all time high, and I cannot even type what my A1C was.  He told me flat out that he did not want to hear my excuses.  He needed me to hear the truth, that this affair was killing me.  

The dreaded moment had arrived.  I was going to have to go on insulin.  I had told myself time and again that if I ever had to go on insulin it would be the beginning of a downhill journey and that journey had just begun. 

His suggestion?  It was the same has he had been preaching for four years, I needed to have gastric  bypass surgery.  He was right.  The time had come.  I had been researching for years, and this was what I needed to do.  We talked about what I needed to do to get started.  I needed to go home and call my insurance and see which hospitals I needed to consider and make the first move on this journey to ending my affair and rebuilding my health.  And so it began.